Tyrannosaurus Riex

Does my personal Jesus wear an orange jumpsuit?

Epic post is epic. The now infamous itsubun and myself have been wanting to team/duo blog something for quite a while now. So we’ve started a series entitled “Waffle Shovels” (a spoof of her new blog title created by my zaniness) that offers differing perspectives in character analysis.

It sounds epic and technical, but it’s really just lots of bickering and bitching with a smattering of tasty intellectual morsels. The bickering and bitching is mine, tasty morsels come courtesy of itsubun’s…buns?

So dive in and enjoy our first attempt at this as we tackle a well known figure in the world of anime: Naruto.

<+ Start +>

Riex
Aight. By the way, I don’t feel like making this super elegant or whatever.
Fuck that, it doesn’t work for us.

itsubun
Yeah, me neither. I’m just going to be straight forward and say what I want.

Riex
Sweet, this will be a first in the history of women!

itsubun
YOU’RE GOING DOWN!!!

Riex
Lezz rumble!
*takes boxer’s stance*

itsubun
Heh, why don’t you start? Throw the first punch~
I’m not coming up with anything anything.

Riex
Because Naruto is gay. And there’s too much lameness to pick just one thing
But here we go…
WTF
Seriously, wtf…
is up with his jumpsuit?
No fucking ninja wears a bright orange jumpsuit.

itsubun
It’s supposed to clue us in to his connection with the Kyuubi. And he likes to stand out because no one really bothers paying any attention to the poor kid. Go figure right?
TOO BAD HE’S NOT SUPER EMO LIKE SASUKE WITH HIS BLACK AND BLUES.

Riex
Well, I’d say that when you’re trying to be a NINJA and you’re blowing your cover with a bright orange jumpsuit, you deserve to be treated like a retard. Unless, unless he’s trying to blend in with an orange tree…or a brightly light section of the grand canyon. Or something…an RSS feed icon!

itsubun
Hey, Sakura wears pink and red, Ino wears purple, and the Akatsuki members aren’t exactly too inconspicuous with their tramp coats and rain-of-blood-clouds either.

Riex
You make a good point. They’re all retarded.
*sigh*

itsubun
I AGREE.
Besides, they use their jutsu techniques to camouflage, not their actual outfits.
Anything else you wanna throw at Naruto!

Riex
Besides a rock? Or a pair of balls?

itsubun
Oh ho ho, he has more balls than anyone else in the series.

Riex
That’s not saying much (though he’s got more balls than Sai).

itsubun
Yeah, you got me there. Srsly, our main villains all look like trannies.

Riex
Except for that one medical dude, he looks pretty straight.

itsubun
Kabuto!? But in actuality, he’s Orochimaru’s bitch. And they’ve “FUSED”.

Riex
Ew, wtf? Leave the doujins out of this.

itsubun
TRUSTORY
I’m 4rizzle.
He’s hosting Orochimaru’s consciousness or some freaky deaky shit… or maybe Orochimaru has taken over his body, either way they are ONE.

Riex
Well, at least they don’t bitch and whine about unmanly things like “friendship” and cuddle-hugs like a certain individual. They keep that shit in the closet.

itsubun
That’s because Naruto is comfortable enough with himself to be able to do that. And the others appreciate his openness and affection because they’re all sexually repressed, emotionally stunted boppers. He helps them to reconcile whatever it is that’s lacking in themselves.

Riex
I’m gonna have to disagree and just say that, in the world of men, Naruto is just socially inept.

itsubun
Yeah, he is. But only in the sense that he doesn’t fit into their social order. He acts on his own instincts and emotions without seeing the need to sublimate himself. And while he is lacking in “proper” self-discipline by ninja standards, his lack of reservations actually becomes a strength rather than a weakness because he’s able to rally people around him and foster a sense of community. By the end of the Chunin exam, he gets really close to the other genins after facing off with them in the rounds.

Riex
So he’s the King Retard, capable of rallying all other emotionally/sexually repressed individuals around him in a ninja fighting orgy of love?

itsubun
XD YOU KNOW YOU WANT IN!

Riex
Oh, of course.
<.<

itsubun
What I like most about Naruto is his lack of reservations. He doesn’t hesitant to stand up for his own beliefs, even if he is a bit misguided at times. He has good intentions, but he doesn’t try to impose his standards onto others. He keeps his values close to him and fights for the things that mean the most to him.

Other people admire his spirit or “way of the ninja” [usually after he beats them into the ground with it] so they strive to adopt his idealism and attitude and incorporate them into their own perspectives and outlooks. Like Hinata, Neji, and Gaara.

Riex
Which I suppose is all well and good, but I’m part of that group of people that believe in efficiency. The group that says that when your opponent is down and you think he’s dead, shoot him in the head a couple of times just to make sure.

The group that says “why waste extra chakra on basic camouflage when you can just wear something besides an orange jumpsuit”?

itsubun
Heh, yeah, that’s also a point that I’m ambivalent about myself. I don’t like the fact that Naruto still has yet to directly kill an opponent. I understand that they’re trying to retain his image of innocence and purity. But I think they need to scrap that and let him grow into his potential as a multifaceted character who has to cope with his own guilt and darkness derived from the act of murdering another human being. That would be an interesting direction to take the character development.

Riex
Or my favorite one…get to where you can defeat an opponent without relying on some demon fox.

itsubun
Hey, hey, hey, I disagree. That’s a tricky point to argue because what about the characters who have their bloodline limits? They have a definite advantage over the average ninja. And I see Naruto’s fox demon as an inheritance from his father, the 4th, considering the context and circumstances. So I’d say, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it.”

Riex
That’s all well and good, but take their shit away too…who do you think would win? Look at Rock Lee. He ain’t got shit ‘cept that gate unlocking nonsense, and even without that he could whip Naruto’s ass.

itsubun
That’s because he’s trained in taijutsu, which technically still counts as an advantage. Whereas Naruto is good with ninjutsu because of his excess chakra. If you’re talking about completely stripping them of all their jutsus, then I’d say the odds are even on all sides.

Riex
I didn’t say take away Naruto’s ninjutsu, just his fox. It all comes down to the demon fox.

itsubun
Even without his fox, I’d still say that Naruto is kickass.

Riex
In general, yeah…comparatively speaking, not so much.

itsubun
It’s not solely because of the demon fox that Naruto has been able to make it thus far in his journey. It’s because Naruto IS a natural genius of his own kind. Heh, you know, everyone’s always raving about how Sasuke’s a genius. Genius boy, born into a genius family, everything he does is calculated out to be INGENIOUS. But look at Naruto and all of the things that he has managed to accomplish, even without the legacy of his heritage to validate his achievements.

Riex
Yeah, I don’t cheer for that bastard either. If I had to pick anyone it’d be Rock Lee and Shikimaru.

itsubun
Naruto is my #1. I’d walk the line for that guy. Because sometimes I get that feeling that the audience doesn’t actually appreciate how bad that kid has it. It’s probably because of his comical demeanor and his sunny attitude towards everything, but all things considered he is pretty fucked up. Not in a superficial emo way either. But he’s a ticking time bomb. He lives his life with the perpetual threat of being consumed by the fox demon hanging over his head at all times. His glossed over tragedy is what makes me love that kid.
He doesn’t spend his time dwelling on the shit that’s happened to him in the past, which is why he doesn’t resent the village for its harsh treatment of him during his childhood. He just moves forward, always saving one friend or another, always looking for the best in others.

Riex
That’s probably the most valid point you’ve made yet, but at the end of the day I still won’t be a fan of him. See, with Naruto it’s all a determination/power battle…”keep on truckin’” is a good phrase to describe how he works. Maybe that just reminds me too much of Dragonball Z, or maybe I just realize that it takes more than that to get places in life. So I’ll always be cheering for brain combined with brawn, power and intelligence. And if there’s some heart thrown in there at the end, then that’s alright.

Naruto fights to save, whereas I like to see people who fight to win…with salvation as an afterthought, something not given to those who have shown themselves undeserving.

itsubun
I wouldn’t say that Naruto is brainless. Because what you said about emphasis on determination/power battle implies that Naruto doesn’t fully acknowledge the odds against him. He does. And then he decides that he can’t afford to lose because the cost is too much and he cannot afford to lose a love one. So he opts to win and he goes for it. Fighting to save and fighting to win doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive. See, the special thing about Naruto is that the has this surety in him, this seemingly groundless but irrepressible belief that he’s going to pull through and everything is going to turn out alright. And yeah, it’s naive and blind and stupid and whatever. But it keeps him going without slowing down to feel bad for himself. And it makes him productive as a ninja and a human being.

I think Naruto is incredibly inspirational. Not because he lectures down to other people and makes them feel bad about themselves and their own circumstances. That’s more along the lines of Orochimaru and Madara and their “manifest destiny” spiels. It’s because he keeps pushing forward, keeps getting hurt and getting back up again, keeps fighting against his sad fate… And you never hear Naruto complaining about his lack of family or bitching about other people’s mistreatment of him. He treasures the things that he does have and he tries to keep them close and protect them with his own strength and love. It’s because of his words and actions and the way he lives his life that other people are able to witness his personal struggles. He gives them hope and they strive to take in some of his warm and overwhelming goodness in order to surpass their own limitations and become better than they are.

I’d argue that he doesn’t acknowledge his odds in the same way that other people might. Because let’s be honest here, sometimes the odds are insurmountable, and if he were to try and rationalize all of the scary, horrible shit set up against him, he could lose hope and fall to despair. He has everything to lose if he fails. So he pushes past all of that and keeps fighting against the fears and insecurities and impossibilities.

Riex
And he always seems to pull through. Which, to me, is bullshit.

itsubun
LOL, he’s the titular character of the series.

Riex
Yep, and that’s probably what kills me about him. I mean…him and Rock Lee are quite similar
but Rock Lee gets his ass kicked sometimes and loses. Then he gets back up again…probably why I like him better. Even if he is fucking gay as hell.

itsubun
And it’s a series aimed at a demographic that glorifies hope and the human spirit. If Naruto loses, that’s gonna do damage to audience reception of the series. Naruto, as a character, has to bear the expectations of the series itself. And to be fair, that winning streak can be found in almost any other shounen adventure series.

Riex
Which is probably the source of all the beef we’ve got with him. But there’s a difference in Naruto though.
No one fucking dies ever, ‘cept for that old granny lady and no one cared about her anyway.

itsubun
Shikumaru’s jounin teacher died. Orochimaru is dead. Jiraiya is dead. The series started off with the death of the 4th.

Riex
You got me on the 4th, but I only watch the anime…you spoiling bastard!

itsubun
LOLOLOL TOO BAD!
And the lack of death is probably due to the tight character dynamic that the mangaka has labored to create. Think about it, if one of the secondary character, like Neji, died, then how is Kishimoto going to fill in that gap for the team formation? Because of the intricate network that Kishimoto has set up, if one of the main characters die it’s going to be hard to tie up the loose ends without damaging the fabric as a whole.

Riex
Go watch Berserk, then we’ll talk about death and why I think Naruto’s lack of it is BS.

itsubun
Well, Berserk’s whole set up has a much darker tone and depth than Naruto. Different themes and philosophies at work make for different treatment of death.

Riex
Yeah…now we’re getting off topic and I think we’ve both made our points.

itsubun
nods ndos

Riex
ndos!

itsubun
Constructive criticism is constructive!
Don’t mock me, you!

<+ END +>

To me, he’s just another super-powered kid trying to get by. Hero? Not today.

And there you have it. What do you think about Naruto? Is he your savior or hero, or just another chump who doesn’t know when enough is enough?

To me he’s a good kid, with a good heart…but he’s clueless. If somehow he manages to toughen up and face some growing experiences, maybe I can give him a bit of respect. But until then…he’s just another kid with super powers.